“The Sweaty Nasty Guy…”- Gym don’ts and more don’ts…

Let’s make this quick and painless-

FAILS
Spaghetti strap bodybuilder tank tops
Bodybuilder balloon pants
Stripped lycra boy shorts, even if you’re European
Combat/work boots especially with shorts and a wife beater- very Village People
Clothes that are way too big
Clothes that are way too small
Under Armour is a coin flip, it was designed for professional athletes. You’re not a professional athlete…

GIRLS take this as you will…
Again, I’ll try to be quick (never do you want to hear a man say that…) and hopefully it will be painless-

(FAILS)
Make up, any make up.
And yes, we understand that you might have just gotten off work but even then-caked on foundation, eye shadow/liner and bright red lips- TOO MUCH…
“Salon hair”, literally, like you just got your hair did.
If you did, don’t come to the gym, go to happy hour or pull it back.
Clothes that are way too small, clothes that are way too small. Vicky Secrets fashion show, strip club…?
I only bring this up, because the other women in the club might view it as “hooker-ish”.
Just looking out for ya…
Too matchy- Headband, shorts, shoes, painted nails- way too much…

What you wear to the gym like all other attire in your wardrobe is an expression of who you are.
Be careful of what you’re “saying”…

Smell, Odor And Funk
This covers the gamet of all this nasty;
Anything sprayed out of a can/bottle and all things that should have stayed in the dirty laundry.
Sport /body sprays and colognes of any kind i.e.;
AXE, TAG, Bod, Old Spice, Addidas (they make shoes…!), AXE, TAG (yes, again…), anything from Abercrombie or Holister, CK and Burberry.

It doesn’t work at the gym, showering on a daily basis like the rest of the western civilized world- That works.
It doesn’t help with the ladies, it gives them headaches.
Trying to cover up or prevent sweaty, workout funk with another funk is double the funki-ness!

And as far as that tank top, Tee, trucker hat, pair of shorts, sweat pants or socks that you funked up two day ago that should be in the wash, that you think you can train in just one more time-
YOU CAN’T, IT’S FUNKED UP!
If you smell it, even the slightest, everyone else in the gym smells it, especially her.
The rule is, if you can smell it- it’s too strong or you’re nasty. Throw it in the wash or wash it off.

COMMON SENSE, SOMETIMES NOT SO COMMON…
Always check your spray.
I am a “sweater” and am full aware that both men and women do not dig swimming in sweat that’s not their own.
It’s as easy as a spray and a wipe.
Women are disgusted, no matter a “model” or massive bi’s, you’ll just be the sweaty-nasty guy.
Don’t be the sweaty-nasty guy…

Don’t be the loud guy. Save the huffing and puffing, groaning and grunting for the privacy of your own bathroom mirror.
Or the other loud guy, we don’t need to hear details of your date last night. We don’t care and you look like a jack-ass.
There is also the loud girl, we don’t need to know about ALL of your failed dates or how much of a jack-ass your guy is.
Don’t check your hair every 30secs in the mirror. We see you women and men alike, and it’s funny and shameful…

Do I even need to say, “don’t be the fart guy or even fart girl(it does happen!)…!”
You can’t hide, even in a gym full of people.
You might be thinking, “there’s no way in hell they know it’s me…”
Trust me, they know it’s you, that stinky-nasty guy.
Don’t be the stinky-nasty guy.

Don’t be the naked guy in the sauna.
Sweaty, naked man-ass on wood is nasty and can be dangerous.
Don’t be the naked guy walking around the locker room.
Some women don’t like the naked girl walking around the locker room.
I say, girl nakedness is so much more attractive than guy nakedness.
Social guy, we see you and it’s funny. We understand why you’re not in shape and that you don’t have friends.
Don’t be the OCD person who loses it when someone is on your bench, machine or treadmill.
It’s crazy, funny and shameful…
For you innovative fitness freaks with your very unconventional, unorthodox, uncomfortable “un-exercises”, we feel your pain. Like sex, if it doesn’t feel right, you’re doing it all wrong.

And good luck if you’re the “Gym Gigglo”. Meeting someone at the gym is cool, but once you become known as the guy who tries/has tried to pick up every girl in the gym- SHAMEFUL!

AND TRAINERS, BEWARE…
Their body is their biz card, their walking testimonial.
Healthy, fit and functional is 50/50 with trainers.
If he/she is bigger than you in any way- muscle or chub, he is not the guy for you.
In order for anyone to be healthy, fit and functional, they must be familiar with their own body.
There are no new exercises with bones and muscles that can only move so many ways.
Trainers are there to show you how to perform at your highest level with maximum results, that’s it.
Any trainer that would put a client through a movement/exercise that is unsafe, is unfamiliar with his own body- the body, period.
I never put a client through any exercise that I have not experienced myself.
Text books and videos only give ideas on how things should be done.
Understanding and knowing first hand is the difference between a possible injury and your safety.

 

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